confession - becoming a mom is the most anxious I’ve ever felt in my life
“Behind every great child is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it all up.”
Hey friends, I’m really happy you're here
When you find out you’re pregnant, it can be one of the most exciting times in your life. Shopping for cute baby clothes, decorating the nursery with a theme, friends and family showering you with love, and the feeling of a growing miracle inside you. It truly is an otherworldly experience that you feel blessed to go through. But, with all of the excitement, sometimes we forget it can be normal to be anxious about this new experience.
Anxiety - from positive pregnancy test to postpartum
If you’re a first time mom, you don’t know what to expect. People can warn you and share their stories, but you still can’t fully prepare. And that can be scary. From pregnancy to delivery to actually raising a human, it can feel overwhelming. When I found out I was pregnant earlier this year, I was filled with so much happiness but the anxiety started to linger. Throughout the pregnancy, I worried about random things: Is that pain normal or is it a sign of something wrong? Am I drinking enough water? Am I eating too much? Too little? Will I hear the baby’s heartbeat at this next ultrasound? I bumped my belly on something, did that affect the baby? And so many other things. But to overcome these worries, I talked to family members and friends to get their thoughts and I would pray to ease my mind.
Thankfully, the days weren’t all filled with these worries. There were more moments than not where I felt pure joy, whether it was a random kick or ultrasound image or excitement at wondering what he/she will look like. Picking out nursery colors, choosing a going home outfit for baby, sharing the excitement with family. And then the magnitude of understanding you’re bringing into the world a person who is half you and half your best friend.
I had my baby about 4 months ago, and boy do I still have anxious feelings regularly. You’re in charge of a person. Not a dog, fish, or even plant. A person. It can be intimidating, especially if it’s your first. You check if they’re breathing while they sleep. You make sure they have enough breast milk or formula to grow well. You hate hearing them cry because it breaks your heart when you can’t figure out what’s wrong. But even with all the anxieties, when I look into my baby’s eyes, all of those feelings melt away and are replaced with pure happiness.
But if I’m being honest, the first week postpartum was ROUGH. They do talk about the fact that our hormones drop after birth, but no one can fully warn you about what that means. For the first week, every day at 11am I would uncontrollably cry for 20 minutes and I was absolutely convinced nothing would get better. My mom had been staying with us and I was terrified of her leaving because I didn’t think I would be able to handle everything. Then one day I had a severe panic attack. My chest got tight, it hurt, I couldn’t breathe, and I was sure I was having a heart attack. I’m not saying this to scare anyone, but I say it because if it happens to you, it’s all part of the hormone change. It’s not fun by any means but my hormones were regulated after that first week thankfully so I was able to enjoy my baby instead of having those intense feelings everyday. It’s still a scary experience when you’re not prepared for that hormone drop. But my mom’s advice was solid. She said “just let the feelings happen and don’t try to control them, because you won’t be able to”.
Navigating your new routine as a mom with general anxiety
Whether you go back to work or stay home with your baby, you get back into a routine after a few months. Nap time may be more structured, feedings are more anticipated, and overnights may include longer stretches of sleep. But sometimes that anxiety still lingers. It shows up in the random times - while you’re at work wondering how they are doing at daycare, when they go to their regular pediatric appointments (whether you vaccinate or not), when you are constantly checking if they are reaching milestones they should be, or just in the general “am I a good mom or am I screwing this up?”
Thankfully, over time, the anxiety mostly subsided and is now just an annoying nag in my ear every so often. I focus on the positives like all the things he’s learning, his smile, his giggle, the love we have for him, and the love he shows us in drool filled kisses. It’s also so important to focus on yourself and not just “a mom”. If you are able to, leave the baby with your partner, friend, family member or daycare and do something you enjoy, whether it is going to the gym, reading, writing, yoga, or just sitting in your house in the silence. Whatever helps relax you is also a priority, although we forget that in the busy moments of being a mom. Take that time because, although it may feel selfish to take time to yourself, it is something that is also for your baby. Happy and healthy mom = happy and healthy baby.
“If you’re a mom, you’re a superhero. Period.”
Postpartum anxiety vs. Postpartum depression
I wanted to touch base really quick on the difference between Postpartum Anxiety and Postpartum Depression. Both are important to address, but Postpartum Depression is not something we want to ignore or mess with. According to Cleveland Clinic (2025), symptoms for Postpartum Anxiety include:
Physical symptoms
Being unable to breathe or feeling short of breath
Disrupted sleep
Feeling tense
Increased heart rate or heart palpitations
Loss of appetite
Nausea or stomach aches
Trouble sitting still (restlessness)
Emotional symptoms
Difficulty focusing
Feeling on edge
Inability to relax or calm down
Irritability
Obsessing over irrational fears
Thinking about worst-case scenarios
Panic attacks
Generalized anxiety
Tearfulness
Behavioral symptoms
Avoiding certain activities, people or places
Being overly cautious about situations that aren’t dangerous
Checking things repeatedly (like how long ago your baby ate or that objects that could hurt your baby are put away)
When it comes to Postpartum Depression, according to the same source (Cleveland Clinic, 2025), the symptoms can include:
Feeling sad, worthless, hopeless or guilty
Worrying excessively or feeling on edge
Loss of interest in hobbies or things you once enjoyed
Changes in appetite or not eating
Loss of energy and motivation
Trouble sleeping or wanting to sleep all the time
Crying for no reason or excessively
Difficulty thinking or focusing
Thoughts of suicide or wishing you were dead
Lack of interest in your baby or feeling anxious around your baby
Thoughts of hurting your baby or feeling like you don't want your baby
If you are experiencing ANY of these symptoms, please contact your provider. It is not something that will just “go away” on its own. It is more common than people probably talk about and can’t always be avoided, so just be kind to yourself and contact your provider.
Thank you for being here
If you are a seasoned mom, first time mom, or expecting, remember that you are already amazing. Even if there is anxiety or even if we feel like a failure, you are not alone and your feelings are valid. I see these reels out there that show a mom’s perspective during the day versus their baby’s perspective and the mom’s perspective is all of these thoughts like “am I engaging with my baby enough? Are they having a good day? Am I being what they need?” and then it shows the baby’s point of view where all they think is, “I had the best day with mom. She kept me safe and healthy.” You are doing great and your baby already has the best mom. Stay tuned, friends.
